


a heartbreak in mid december

by thefrontbottoms



Category: The Front Bottoms
Genre: M/M, also this is the longest fic ive written and im proud, i cant do original characters so i just chose josh dun, idk they fight and brian befriends josh, its sad but then its not sad, its top brian bc i like to appeal to everyones interests, the ending is nice
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-12-15
Updated: 2015-12-15
Packaged: 2018-05-06 22:54:46
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,306
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5433878
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thefrontbottoms/pseuds/thefrontbottoms
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>It's winter and Brian's friends hate him. His ex boyfriend hates him. He hates him for crying out loud.</p>
            </blockquote>





	a heartbreak in mid december

Brian walked down the sidewalk, hands buried deep into his coat pockets and hat pulled tight over his ears. The snow was kicking his ass and filling his shoes, he thought his feet would fall off but that wasn't a top priority right then. Actually, he didn't really have any priorities at all. His friends were probably at the bar, drinking and having a good time. He thought Mat might be there, too. It'd be nice to see them all, but Brian decided that it was in his best interest (and everyone else's) if he stayed away. After all, it was all his fault. Kind of. He said things he didn't mean to say, every word came out in am effort to make people angry and it worked. Just not how he wanted it to. He was always kind, always taking everything thrown his way, then one day it got to be too much and he said a single sentence that had caused him to lose all his friends and made him to spend his friday night walking through Jersey's snow covered streets. Brian apologized, he apologized a lot, but after weeks of unaccepted 'sorrys' he decided that trying wasn't worth it anymore. He told himself that once he got over it he'd make new friends, eventually.

After walking a few more blocks he found himself near his favorite record store and decided to stop inside and warm up for a little while. The place was empty except for two employees that Mat had never seen before. He didn't buy anything- he forgot to cash his paycheck before the bank closed and would be broke until the next morning. He planned to come back the next morning to buy records that he thought Mat might like, even though they'll never listen to them together, even though he'll probably never see him again. 

I screwed up bad, Brian thought, I fucked myself over and ruined all the good I had.

He stopped his thinking and headed out into the cold once again. This time he started to make his way back home, which happened to be down the road from the bar. He kept his head down the whole time, glancing up once to look through the windows and was grateful that he couldn't see anyone he knew. It also made him kind of sad. He missed all their faces.

He should've known that they would all take Mat's side, they've all known him longer anyways. The funny thing was that there weren't any sides to take in the first place, it was all a big mistake, but everyone found a way to side with Mat. He didn't blame them though, because he was on Mat's side too.

Once inside his house, Brian took off shoes and socks and laid down on the couch. He threw a blanket over himself and closed his eyes. Sleep didn't come so easy so he took a shower and turned his skin red with the water. He thought about what he'd be doing if he were with his former friends, a bunch of what ifs just making him even more upset with himself. He tried to explain, he tried to tell everyone why and what and how, but it seemed as if everyone was happy having him gone and didn't want him back so they decided to say that they didn't forgive him and send him away. He knew that wasn't why, but it seemed plausible. He didn't want to accept the fact that he was unforgivable. He turned off the shower, threw on some day old pajamas, and headed off to be bed. Sleep came pretty quickly after that.

-

The next morning Brian woke up and scrolled through his phone. No missed calls. No new messages. Nothing. He should've known, it's been empty airwaves since the whole thing went down. He should be used to being ignored by now. He kept telling himself that what he did wasn't that bad, that it was a stupid reason for everyone to leave him, but he knew that it wasn't right and he shouldn't have treated anyone like that. Especially Mat. He missed Mat a lot, more than he missed anyone else. He loved Mat and Mat loved him and they were perfect and Brian still can't bring himself to delete all the pictures of them off his phone. He was crying by this point, holding his neglected phone tight to his chest. It wasn't a powerful cry, it was weak and there wasn't even any noise; just silent, pathetic tears dripping down his face.

He pulled himself together and went to the kitchen to pour himself a bowl of cereal. He grabbed the milk from the fridge and started to pour it into the bowl, only to discover that it was expired. He cursed under his breath and went to his bedroom to change into some clothes and made his way to the grocery store.

He pulled into the parking lot and got out of his car. It was warmer than yesterday but still cold as hell. Inside the store was warm, though, and that was nice. He needed as much warmth as he could get.

He wove his way through the isles and grabbed a gallon of milk and two six packs of beer- he was out and hadn't had a drink in a while. The checkouts were basically empty and only three employees were working. It was a slow day. The woman behind the counter scanned his items and he gave her his money, told her to keep the change and walked outside. 

Brian started his car and waited a second to let it warm up when another vehicle caught his attention. He stared at it for a moment but quickly looked away when he noticed who's it was. The car parked two spots away and Mat had to stop himself from saying hello when he saw Tom get out. Tom had been one of his best friends and now he wasn't. He looked in Brian's direction and the two made eye contact. Mat left immediately.

Instead of going home right away he went back to the record store and bought the records he would have bought his friends for Christmas. He stopped at the post office and bought a shipping box for each, and stamps. He decided to still send them, he couldn't bring himself to give them in person, he also decided to not put a return address. They would either know who sent them or they wouldn't. Brian hoped it'd make them miss him. He hoped it'd make them cry. That would be the last time he tried.

When he finally got back home he turned on his favorite album and ate a bowl of cereal. No more being sad today, he told himself. He opened a beer and sipped it modestly; he wouldn't drink a lot as it was still only around two o'clock (he'd spent more time at the store than he thought). Brian figured he would call the one friend he had left and go out tonight. He'd try and meet someone. He'd try and start over. Yeah. It'd be a good night.

It didn't take long to get a hold of Josh, the guy almost never had anything going on. While his friend was on the way Brian cleaned up a bit and put on some better looking clothes. They planned to just hang out for a while, then once it got later they'd go to a bar downtown and have fun. 

Josh arrived about an hour after Brian called and the two got high and played video games, reliving their teenage years. They laughed and told each other stories and talked about how fucked up their weeks had been. That's basically what they did every time they hung out. Josh was a simple friend, he didn't require too much attention and he was always there when needed. The two had gotten closer, though, after everything happened. That's another thing Brian liked about Josh; he didn't ask questions. He knew something had happened, but he didn't ask. He'd wait until Brain was ready to talk about it. He's a good friend.

"You ready to go?" Josh stood by the door, he was half-baked and was shoving his foot into his shoe.

Brian was in the same state, eyes slightly red and a little tired. "Yeah, let's go." He put on his jacket and the two started the walk downtown.

It didn't take long to get there, the cold making them move a little faster with each step. The snow was almost all melted and the streets were covered in puddles; Brian almost soaked his shoes six different times. The key word being: almost. Once inside the bar the ordered something with a lot of alcohol and wasted no time getting drunk. Their bodies were warm and their faces flushed pink as they sat at the bar and talked to the people around them. Neither of them had really been to this bar before, but it was nice and friendly and that's what they needed. 

Josh leaned close to Brian's ear and whisper-yelled, "Dude, that girl over there keeps looking at you. I think he thinks you're cute."

"Really?" Brian took a drink and turned to catch a glance. The girl saw him look and she gave a shy wave, he returned the wave and smiled. "I'm gonna go over there."

He didn't, though. The girl had been waving at someone else but luckily he was saved the embarrassment because the person she actually had waved to got to her before he did. When he got back to the bar Josh just placed a hand on his shoulder and ordered them each another drink. They laughed more and kept trying to flirt with everyone; they of course had no luck. It got later and the place was ready to close so they started the walk home, stopping at an all night liquor store to get more booze because their night wasn't over yet.

Back at Brian's the drinking continued and so did the fun. They turned on some loud ass music and had a party for just the two of them. Once four am rolled around they got high and tired again and decided it was time for bed. Both went to sleep in Brian's room because they were each other's best friends now and that's what best friends do.

-

Brian woke up the next morning with an ache all over and a not so good feeling in his stomach. He sat up and ran to the bathroom, fell to his knees, and proceeded to puke his guts out. When he finally felt better he brushed his teeth and swallowed some aspirin. Josh was still passed out in the bed when Brian walked in to grab some sweats and a clean t shirt.

His phone buzzed in his pocket and it made him jump and almost drop the coffee pot. He typed in his password and laughed. 

'bring me aspirin and coffee. i think im going to puke my stomach out and i have the urge to drown myself in the toilet bowl my head hurts so bad.' -josh

Brian poured two cups of coffee and grabbed the bottle of aspirin before heading to the bathroom. Josh was hunched over the toilet and spitting into it when he walked in. He flushed the toilet and leaned against the bathtub and gracefully took the coffee and pills from Brian.

"Thank you." Josh said and swallowed the pills dry. Then he chugged the coffee as if it were the only thing keeping him alive. Hell, the way he felt it was the only thing keeping him alive.

Brian chuckled as he watched Josh. "Wanna just watch movies all day? I don't work until Tuesday so I can fuck around as much as I want and I know you don't have to work."

"Shut the fuck up." Josh laughed. "I'm putting-"

"'All my time into my band'." Brian fake mocked and laughed some more. "I know, I know." He paused and smiled. "Just kinda sad you're still living with your parents."

"If it didn't feel like someone is bashing my head repeatedly into a wall I'd so beat your ass." He smiled when he said it, though.

Hours later the two laid on opposite ends of the couch and watched movies. They were only on the second movie when Brian's phone started to ring. It wasn't a number he recognized, but answered it anyways and headed to the kitchen to talk.

"Hello?"

"Hey. It's Mat. I got a new number. Listen. I got the record in the mail. I know it's from you and we gotta talk. Look- you can't do shit like that. You can't think you can still try and weave your way into our lives again. The others got theirs too and we're all kind of pissed. Except for Tom, he's never been pissed about any of this. Just didn't want to lose us. But that's not important. What's important is that you understand that everything we were is dead. Friends, lovers, any term that fit us back then doesn't anymore." 

Brian didn't really know what to say, but his mouth started moving anyways. "Those weren't from me." It was a lie, yes, but he had too much pride. "Because trust me, what we were is dead to me too, asshole. You're not the only one pissed off. I apologized every day for months. I did everything I could to get your forgiveness. But nothing worked and now I'm over it and now I know that it was never worth it in the first place."

Mat laughed, bitter and angry. "Hey, be careful. Remember what happened the last time you said something like that?"

Brian shook his head. Something has changed in Mat, he's pretty sure it was his fault. He won't admit it, though. "You can't seriously still be trying to blame me for all this. Do you really want to know why it all happened the way it did?"

There was a pause on the other end. "Yeah. Yeah, I do."

"It was two weeks before and I was supposed to work late while you and everyone else went to the bar. I got out early and decided to surprise you all. When I got close enough to hear you guys talk, your voice was the one I heard clearest. You were talking about me. You were saying exactly what I said to you two weeks later. And everyone was agreeing. I was just spitting your words right back at you. You and the guys were all hammered though so of course you don't remember. I'm not surprised, really. So when you all pissed me off that day, I was just trying to let you know that I heard. That I heard it all loud and clear. I've been blaming myself for this mess since it happened because of you. I only have one person I can count on now." He laughed the same way Mat had seconds before. "But I guess I'm glad it happened because now I know how you truly felt. How you all did. And I think the most fucked up part is that you all let me believe that everything was my fault. That you guys were almost happy to get rid of me. But whatever. It doesn't matter now."

"Brian-"

"Don't even try. By the way: I did send the fucking records."

He hung up and headed back out to the living room, Josh looked at him with sad eyes. He heard it all. He finally knew what had happened. The two didn't say anything, just sat and watched movies in an odd silence for the rest of the night until they fell asleep.

-

Weeks had gone by since the phone call. It was mid January now and things had pretty much stayed the same, but got better. He got a promotion at work and Josh introduced him to more people and now he was finding a new circle of friends. He had also been on a few dates but nothing stuck. It was okay, though. Things were alright.

Brian's shift was almost over when someone walked through the door. It was Mat. He really wanted to run and go hide, but he was the only one working and that could get him fired. So he just calmed his heart down and made himself be civil when Mat approached the counter.

"I have a lot to say. I need you to listen until the very end. Then you can yell at me or kick me out. Okay?"

Brian nodded.

"I was really hammered that night and didn't remember that at all. So I started asking around. I asked people who were there and weren't so drunk about what happened. It took a lot of time but they eventually remembered. A few days prior to that I had gotten into a huge fight with my brother, Brian. I wasn't talking about you. I was talking about my brother. He screwed me over big time and I was talking shit about him. When I said all that shit, it was about him. Then that other shit that you heard, that was about my ex. Nothing was about you. I love you, Brian. I've never stopped."

Brian felt embarrassed and relieved and confused and good all at once. "Seriously?" His heart was going to burst out of his chest.

Mat nodded, "Yes. It's all been a really shitty ass misunderstanding and I love you and I need you back in my life. Please."

Brian never kissed anyone that well in his life. His hands cupped Mat's cheeks and when he pulled away he rested their foreheads together. "God, I love you. I love you so fucking much. I get out of here in five minutes. We have a lot of things to talk about and a lot to catch up on."

-

Brian pins Mat against the wall and starts kissing down his jaw, earning a soft moan from the smaller man.

"I thought you wanted to talk and catch up." Mat spoke in a whispered laugh, obviously not inconvenienced by Brian's actions.

"That can wait till the morning." Brian muttered before pressing a rough kiss to Mat's lips.

It didn't take long for them to move to the bedroom and for Brian to fuck Mat into next week. It's good sex, needy and full of passion, them expressing their forgiveness and love through strangled moans and half finished sentences of praise.

Mat came first, all over their chests and stomachs, Brian's name leaving his lips as a loud moan. Brian's thrusts became sloppy as he got closer and closer, biting down on Mat's shoulder when he came, kissing him while he rode out his orgasm. Brian pulled out of Mat and dragged his fingers down Mat's chest, collecting cum on his fingertips. 

"Open." Mat obeyed and opened his mouth, taking the fingers and sucking them, tasting himself on Brian.

Brian smiled down at him and took away his fingers. "You're so beautiful." He kissed him again. "I'm gonna go get a rag, I'll be back." He returned seconds later with a damp rag and wiped off Mat's chest. 

"Did you like the record?" Brian whispered into Mat's shoulder after he laid down.

"It's all I've been listening to."

They fell asleep snuggled together under the blankets, both of them happy to be where they were; both of them extremely thankful for Brian's inability to move on. They only got out of bed to get food the next morning, other than that they laid in Brian's bedroom all day long.

**Author's Note:**

> title is from december by neck deep nd im sorry if this sucked


End file.
